The cold icy rain left me wet and bedraggled
I deliciously savoured the feel of wispy wind;
Against my soaked apparels and caramel skin.
To be weighed down and still be free!
The enhanching fragrance of the potpourri fills my nostrils
The sweetness that ravishes my tongue;
From the candy of my making;
Imbues me in a lull of tantalizing dreams.
The softness of grass, tickles the skin of my bare feet;
Mindlessly wary of the bristles and the thorns that could so easily pierce me.
A langurous walk down the path that leads to a beatific view,
The salty air, the brine smell and the whirring sound of the oceanic beats;
Induces me into a tantric dance.
My eyes are unseeing,
My body arches to embrace the searing heat of the sun;
Not a care for the repercussions to the deep tan that my skin will start to wear.
The rich repertorie of seagull caws draws my eye to their presence amidst the iridescent blue sky.
I lie langurously, surrendering to a beauty that electrifies me.
Body moulded into the contours of the land ;
I scrunch my toes into the whitish sand that would have been smooth as silk without its gravel bits,
Gazing hypnotically at the white foams that make their way towards me so passionately,
Redounding listessly back into its sleeping cove,
The ebb and flow of the tireless waves,
Disguises the dormant strength of temptuous swells that can seduce one into the depths and chills of its haunting swirls.
The unbriddled passion to be free,
To bolt away into the vast dampen land;
Besieged by palm trees, sandcastles and swimwear,
Seemed so dire at present –
Anything to escape the pressures of civilisation.
The reality that awaits me is too ghastly,
Never for me to speak off.
My sanctuary to keep my sanity!
Illuminated by the golden arcing rays of the sun;
I take a soulful breath.
I count my fingers and toes,
And trace all the scars that mark my outer being.
The time has come for me to dull my five senses again!
The panaromic view flickers and entices me a couple of times more;
Then all I see is dark and my instincts kick in.
Mary-Jane has gone; It is Jo in charge now;
There are so many of us in my head –
It is hard to keep up!
All came into play as the little one hurt too much! We all make it work somehow- though somedays tougher than most.
Losing track of time is the worst.
A new band of colours occupy the once cloudy sky;
The waves lap against my tiny feet;
I wade head deep and let the rips take control of me.
Soon enough I will be floating freely in these torrential seas.
Yet, never does it happen in all honesty really!
When you have that many personalities, you learn to swim upstream;
Sometimes too carelessly – yet a saviour eventually always emerges within me.
Invigorated and renewed, ‘I’ re-emerge onto the beach Pondering how ‘I’ became submerged in the deep seas.
Toiling in the sands I continue,
A message in the bottle I had thrown into the seas
It writes, ‘We forgive you for what happened to little me’.
Dissociation as a defense mechanism is common. There has often been contextual discussion in the psychiatric world with regards to the validity of dissociative identity disoder. This poem does not enter into this contention, rather captures the experience of sufferers who predominantly have had a history of trauma in their core years of childhood♥️