The haunting memories

To those who have hurt me
A special treat awaits you
To confront all the bitter truths; that haunt me like you
You chaffed at me a little over time
I never understood it at the time
Why I was made targets of your crime!

Your words seared me to my core
Oh what I had to endure
As you remain in the clear;
I remain a prisoner of your consequential misdeeds

The injustice of it all
Is beyond my comprehension
What is about me that makes you hate!
There are so many versions of you in my life – inciting in me the same hate.

I have matured in mind and heart
More than you will like
My inner strength sizzling like fiery molten lava
I combat when I am attacked
I am the epitome of everything that is the opposite of you
You have fueled me to reach the pinnacle of success.

No I still don’t forgive you
For driving my emotions to excess
For putting my defenses to the test
For making me lose trust in all that I have
You took away my pride
You took away my company
All that I built will be always based on filling a void inside of me
I will be never be able to be the best version of myself
I hurt and anger easily – to those that I care for dearly
All because of you!

Do I ever cross your mind
Do you feel bad for the hurt that you have caused me
For making me feel less than equal
Or do you blame me as I do you
Indeed troubled souls do hurt one another

I am no Mother Theresa
To commiserate with her bullies
You don’t deserve a moment of remininscing
Within my finite time
Still you burst in at inopportune occassions
In reverie or wake
You are an image of derision

It is hard to reconcile- how you go about your perfect life;
Indifferent to how you have impacted me and all in my vicinity
Is it my facade that has you fooled
Refrain from showing vulnerability to your opponents; I have been told
Hence, I continue to masquerade for all to see.

I am surprised at my might
To look you in the eye and not flinch as you try to talk to me.
At times, I resist the urge to flee
Or just act out in relentless fury
It will always be my words against yours
For I will never be an Oscar nominee
You will always get the part – your acting so flawlessly conniving
Sometimes I wonder what spells you chant as you speak.

I so want to do away with this farce
Forgiving you and moving away from my past
Playing this double game, I will no more
I am letting you go into the devillish seas
One day you will feel and see, what you have done to me
I am sure however by then, I will be at peace
For I have learned to let go of all that does not serve me
Thank you for teaching me to stand up
to bullies like yourself
I am so proud of myself
For paving the way to self-love
I have indeed come a long way,
Not to say – the pain doesn’t eat at me every day!
A part of me you have become
I have come to accept the dark parts and carry on.

Somedays I am not so strong;
So I need to pen it down
With the words all etched out, it seems to take your power away.
Good riddance to all that have been so injust
I am blowing you away forever with fairy dust🧚‍♀️💪

The ghosts of the past shape us into who we are – sometimes for the better and maybe for the worst. We all grapple with it differently.
We cannot change the past but we can change the future. The pain still comes back to haunt but never let it overpower the future🧚‍♀️

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