A Poetic Grief

Pangs and waves that knock me senseless
The last smile before you closed your spiritful eyes
Doses of unbashful reality –
You are no longer here
Will it ever throb any less

I think im missing you a hella of a lot
All the times we shared
And a whole lot more
Oh grief how it’s a mere pissing contest
Please dont pull and push
Me out of my nightmarish dreams
The world is moving on
Some days I do too.

Then I breathe your name,
Envision your smile
Hear your thoughts
And I am right back where I started
For time, will never wipe you out of my life
Far too important you are, to be just chalk on my life board.

No; Grief cannot be understood in the same way by another-
Not living the same path
For I spent every minute with you
Sharing the smiles, laughs but also your youthful and kiddish side
Tending to every need
Your happiness and comfort was everything I hoped for
I interchanged roles,
Maturity forced upon me
Embracing all that was happening before me,
Did I do a good enough job, for all the years you tended to me
No there was no time to delve into emotions
But tell me how do I transmute now – the autopilot switch missing.

All the nights spent sitting with you,
Means now sleep eludes me with thoughts of you,
How do I forget you, like you dont mean a dime
Am I suppose to remember you in sickness or in health
For both shear my heart to the core
How do I share a world – one you are not within.
Many for whom you may exist as just a simple memory

I will love you till the end of time
But sometimes I feel the need to expel you from my mind
Hide the 2D version of you, from my sight
Am I disloyal for considering a future without you
Im sure you understand or does it hurt you as much as it does me
I bid you adieu for now…
Only till the next time, you sneak back into my mind
Or call out to me
Oh What will it be like – In a few minutes or so

To all who have lost a loved one or more; to Heaven
You will be changed forever
Yet, stronger you will be
For now you are blessed with your very own guardian angel watching over you.
Advancing your dreams.
Soothing your worries
Protecting you
Cheering you on to happiness, as a new beautiful world awaits you.

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