My unloveable heart🤧

In life –
Be neither saint nor fool.
For self- serving and diabolical needs –
savages the heart.

Hurt inculcates misery and pain –
Akin to salted dressings on a wounded heart;
The gaping flesh – a whitewash, for the affliction bleeding out;
Callousness and inattention to my stiffled emotions;
Embeds a hollowness within my soul,
Contorts me it does; into a spiral of darkness.

The full monty of wicked memories ;   All the hurt caused to me – resurges;
Ricocheting into the penumbra of the brain nucleus with vengeance;
A familiar playtrack begins to replay with intensity within my inner psyche;
The reel is stuck and scratchy;    …shaping the symphony to be moreso emblazing;
The crescendo seems to sing;
‘You are unloveable!’
‘You are good for nothing!’
‘You are unworthy to me!’

The lacrimal glands bustling in harmony with the tempestous raging rhythms.

Hurt I am; can’t you see!
My heart is lonely – destitute it seems destined to be;
Trying so hard to be loveable; only to be torn apart when made vulnerable;
Smile – I do!                             ………           Yet, my heart yearns for you.

Do not treat me like dirt, for I know my own worth!
A new day will come and more deserving love I am bound to find,
It is a slippery slope; finding myself trying to chase the affections I so desperately seek.
Walk away I must; to keep my self-respect.
Reciprocity, loyalty & reliabilty- doesn’t necessitate ‘cat and mouse’ games.

My tears will dry; my heart will shine,
Self-love will lead me to unconditional endearment,
That I have trust in the universe.
Be mindful; to never, give more of the self than one must –
Or infinite disappoinments will leave you bust😏